Now

So often we drown ourselves in the tangible that we can't feel the intangible screaming for air. In effort to keep from feeling the hurt and loneliness that so many of us single people, and even married, experience, we occupy our lives with things that we pretend matter.
Since I haven't had much of a direction as far a work, school, or relationships are concerned, there has been few things tangible to block the intangible. Lately as I've come home to relax after a day of being out and about, I feel my heart screaming at me and I can barely stand it. So I kneel down and plead with the Lord to help something to change. My mind continually goes back to the song "you don't know what you've got until it's gone." How true that is. The reason that my heart is screaming is because I currently lack meaningful relationships. A few months ago, when I was living with my brother and sister in-law, that part of me was being mostly satisfied. But now, I barely have a roommate to talk to.
My council to all, including myself, is to appreciate what you have in the moment because you never know how long it is going to last.
Maybe as I focus less on the tangible distractions that I am trying to manipulate in my life and focus more on appreciating life as it is, relationships as they are while continuing to try to improve on them, the screaming will quiet. Quiet enough at least until I can find a significant other and can create meaning in a family of my own. But for now, I will focus on the positives here and now. Developing an eye that is not always looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, but sees the small cracks of light in the mortar around me. Gratitude is about appreciating what is, and hoping for the best in the future.
I am grateful for the screams that my heart makes in the darkness now. Because it is pushing me to do better, to be better. Allowing life to be fuller and richer in the future as I focus on and appreciate the relationships that I have. I know that the contrast of the light from the darkness will be great, beautiful, and everlastingly appreciated as the light comes my way. And I know that life can be much happier presently as I learn to strengthen my connection with God because He will teach me how to better appreciate the beauties of now.